Heart of Mind

This will actually be my second blog post or the third if you count the blank one I erroneously posted and can’t seem to figure out how to delete. Regardless, I’ve barely even scratched the surface of this new undertaking and I’m already struggling with what to write about.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve have a robust list of topics and created several drafts but after considerable review and more revisions than I care to think about decided to back burner those and just try writing from the heart. That’s code for whatever the hell I want since I can’t seem to get a handle on structuring content at the moment.

Think of it as the “Seinfeld” approach to blogging. A blog about nothing J Trust me, I'm not unaware of the talent and creative genius that went into making that show but humor me. At least for this particular post, I’m going to utilize a method that I learned in dance class. You must feel the music and create movement from emotion. Suffice it to say I fell short a lot. Obviously, I’m not dancing at the moment but I think you get the gist of it.   

I can’t tell you how many times I thought I knew what I was feeling. After all, I’d processed it a million times and went over every detail in my head, so that has to count for something. Right? Sure, two…maybe four Advil.

I recall a specific scene from the original movie “Sex in the City”, which I found to be somewhat dark overall, but I digress. Regardless of whether or not you saw it, you'll see the connection. There’s a scene where Miranda is telling Carrie about what she needs to do to ultimately decide if she wants to give her marriage another shot. She states that she’s made a list of all the pros & cons and that she’ll to have a lot to “think” about. Carrie immediately replies “You mean feel”.  Basically, she points out that Miranda is a successful lawyer and could “think” and argue her way through anything, but this time she would have to figure out how she really “feels”. It's simple but not easy. Yes, I pluck many thought provoking concepts from movies, romantic comedies in particular. Doesn’t everyone?

Good to know that writing from the heart doesn’t necessarily have to contain any beneficial subject matter. Just allow for free flowing mumbo jumbo. My favorite J

Perhaps this process may be the catalyst in lessening my need to micro-manage. It’s not uncommon for me to start a project only to begin dissecting it apart before it has a chance to begin taking form. It’s a Virgo trait but unfortunately if you invest all your energy into doing so you’ll likely end up with a whole lot of nothing. A flawless nothing but nothing nevertheless......

I suppose that’s why I decided to bite the bullet and start blogging. I’m not entirely sure this qualifies as a blog but whatever. I really don’t have anything to lose and in hindsight, looking back at all the time I wasted worrying about what others would think or how I would be judged seems quite silly today. I don’t plan to be in the same situation five years down the line because isn’t that the definition of insanity?

If you spend all your time trying to “become” you miss out on what’s happening now. I have always had trouble living in the present. I spent years believing (somewhat subconsciously) that when I was more successful, had a nice house, better body etc. etc. that everything would fall perfectly into place. Uh yeah, it fell alright, to the wayside but that’s an entirely different blog post!

I’m in the autumn of my life which just so happens to be my favorite season. I can’t say that I “feel” as though it’s turning out to be my favorite time in general but I’m still hopeful.

Not to worry, I do plan to improve these postings and actually look forward to the learning process. I promise to do my best to improve the overall quality and speaking from a Virgo perspective could easily list in great detail all the flaws with this post, but will refrain. One of my goals is working on seeing the potential in things as opposed to the problems because I think that’s more difficult, at least in my case. Nevertheless it's necessary to help balance things out.