The Pursuit of Happiness

As I sat in my empty house, everything gone except the echoes bouncing off the naked walks and the assorted creaks that inhabit a house built almost a century ago, I truly felt “empty” on a visceral level.

I recall sitting in what I referred to as the “heart” of the house which had been my TV room or den if you prefer and thinking that I had a glimpse into understanding the process of mourning. I realized that no matter if you are aware that something is about to take place, the emotions that accompany that experience have their own process in terms of purging. It’s just that I thought having the benefit of knowing in advance, such as in a case where someone with a terminally ill loved one comes to pass that I'd be better preparedfor the inevitable. Turns out there are some things that you can never really prepare for.

Though I’m certainly not attempting to minimize the loss of a beloved by way of comparison  to my recent situation, my point being that you may know what’s about to transpire but unlikely how it will literally affect you. At best, your experience simply differs from one occurring unexpectedly.

With my entire life’s possessions holed up in a 10x16 space that had put me to task tirelessly over the past month, I couldn’t quite grasp how any of it really mattered. Yet as the clock ticked away and the final hours in what had been my home for so many years was drawing to a close, I reflected on the frenzy of the past month and reveled in the fact that most of my “things” were somehow preserved, at least for the time being.

Isn’t it ironic that the most strenuous project that I’ve undertaken during my lifetime thus far happened to be vacating my home; period. Hardly qualifies as an achievement by most standards but speaking for myself, I beg to differ.

Understand that the importance of saving my possessions wasn’t in valuing the items themselves, but rather in their symbolic representation. Almost reinforcing that part of my prior history shall survive and accompany me into my new world. Authentic keepsakes from a razed existence and crazy as it may sound and it does, even to me, still resonates at the deepest level.

On moving day, the anxiety of this upheaval took a backseat to the adrenaline rush of getting everything completed as carefully and efficiently as possible. The end result being a shell of my home that looked eerily smaller than I’d ever recalled. No longer a home but a dwelling devoid of any emotion or feeling.

All in all, it brought to mind the movie “The Pursuit of Happiness”. As I watched that story unfold it elicited powerful reactions while I contemplated  how anyone could endure that  much misfortune and struggle while genuinely trying so hard to achieve what I believe is everyone’s given birth right; Happiness. What could possibly keep someone motivated during such dire circumstances?

As I took stock in what has transpired over the past several years, I was able to grasp the significance of these difficult task masters. I’d love to tell you that I feel stronger having gone through all of this but the truth is that I mostly feel vulnerable. The juxtaposition between losing everything and finding a sense of purpose in moving forward seemed overwhelming. The fact that I felt oddly proud in being able to endure what most people would consider the ultimate failure was a paradox. Hmmm…proud to fail; that belongs on a T-shirt worn by someone in one of those Wal-Mart part whatever emails.

 Rest assured I take solace in knowing that I truly did my best to weather some difficult situations. Throughout all of this, I related to how someone could feel such deep despair that checking out seemed a viable remedy. I think it has far less to do with death itself and more so the fear of living a life of misery. Makes perfect sense to me.

Still, one thing for sure is that when life pulls the rug out, you’d better be prepared for the ominous shift that will undoubtedly take place in every aspect of your world. This will run the gamut from your lifestyle, surrounding attitudes, circle of friends and even influence the very things that you normally love to do.

 You will be considered a pariah to some, an inspiration to others and a lesson to all; including yourself.

I am of the opinion that our lives, while perpetual in nature tend to develop over nine year incubation periods. Liken it to seasons intended to nurture your personal growth during that particular time/space sequence. Perhaps that’s why it's called “nine lives”.

Therefore, as I wrap up this particular cycle, it seems apropos that the positions I’ve held, the home in which I lived and so many of the faces I’ve met along the way are no longer a part of my future but will always  remain a cherished part of my past.

I recently posted a picture reflecting one door closing and another opening; no question my new door awaits.  Overall, if you’re blessed which I believe I am, you can really see where you are lucky.

True I have experienced some major disappointments regarding friends, opportunities and material items. In exchange I have gained insight into my creativity, wherewithal and determination to continue seeking out my slice of much deserved happiness.

The motivation to continue the quest is in knowing that you can and will be happy!! Don't let anyone fool you otherwise..

Let's make a deal

Have you ever wondered what your life would look like had you chosen a different direction?

Of course you have, we all have. A “woulda, coulda, shoulda” scenario liken to the 1998 movie “Sliding Doors” which starred Gwyneth Paltrow in a parallel tale comparing her life had she boarded a train before the sliding door closes vs. left standing on the platform.  

It’s not unusual to find myself day dreaming about the different choices I would have made and the ways they could have changed the shape of my life. Clearly, the outcome of my imaginary vision is in stark contrast to my “real” life which is precisely the point. So I began to wonder, how many people if given the option would actually jump at the chance to “re-do” their entire life’s work? Intriguing….. 

Seems like an easy enough choice, right? For example, if you were a contestant on “Let’s make a deal” and had the benefit of knowing that what lies behind door number one was “seemingly” far better than the door you chose, why wouldn’t you trade for it if given the possibility?!! Duh??!!! 

Albeit the concept of an entirely altered world filled with different faces, places and events is certainly enticing and even exciting in many ways but no matter how glorious the fantasy, I suspect would likely fall short of our expectations. 

Purely conjecture on my part, though I doubt experiences would be very gratifying equipped with all that unearned insight to, and I use the word loosely, achieve an optimum lifestyle.   

Some may disagree. After all, who in their right mind would bypass the good fortune to perfect their life through reinvention? I conceive the likelihood is that more often than not, most everyone.  

You see, no matter how mundane, difficult or lacking our lives may feel at times, we hold the exclusive rights to our journey. Sure there are plenty of supporting cast members, outside contributors and various unknowns that make crafting an unwavering course unlikely, but the one absolute is that this sequence of events called life is “OURS” for the taking. Indubitably, that which makes up the highlights, joys and successes is none the sweeter for this very reason. 

Imagination may be the cornerstone of aspirations, and certainly conjures up notions beyond limits that in reality we might consider unattainable. Nevertheless, the true spirit of living seems to warrant that we seek out what we truly want vs. being handed a custom made ideal. 

I confess I enjoy escaping through the abstract version of my “better self”. A reproduction regarded as an exquisitely beautiful, uber successful, multi-lingual entrepreneur, holding several Ivy league degrees who surfs like a pro, has traveled extensively and admired for philanthropic contribution (I assure you this list is far from exhaustive). But truth be told, I really just long to possess the fire and motivation to genuinely contribute in some memorable fashion whilst being appreciated for my efforts. I won’t pretend to understand the psychology behind my fantastical dreamscape; perchance it's due to a deep rooted belief that if I’m not at the very least extraordinary than my life would be as worthless as the paper it is printed on…in a matter of speaking. 

Logically, I realize this concept is nonsensical. Even those we admire and celebrate unlikely possess such an enormity of outstanding qualities. More reasonable is acknowledging that noteworthy accomplishments are a cocktail of individual talents that have been nurtured through passion, dedication and hard work; not daydreaming. 

Arguably, it’s much more fun and instantly gratifying to hunker down inside that little head of yours to make all great things crystallize. I certainly have no intention of giving up my “play time”, though I am committed to spending a little less time there and focusing on that which I can realize, at least to some degree on my own. Who knows, I may even surprise myself! 

 My conclusion is that we are not designed to drift along carefree devoid of challenge. I think that would better describe the “after life”; for those who entertain such ideas ;) So the door I've chosen still seems far more appropriate than a knock-off version of my reality. Undoubtedly, I can certainly call it my own.

Betwixt and Between

“Life just has a way of working itself out”. I actually said this to someone recently and yet it seemed like something someone should say to me. Maybe it was just that, I am prone to talking to myself. 

2011 was by far one of the worst years I’d ever had. Funny, in a not so funny way because I actually thought it was going to be the year when I could finally begin rebuilding my life; repositioning a place for myself in the grand scheme of things so to speak.

Not so. Just like the interminable “bottom” of the housing market, the free fall continued.  It wasn’t for lack of trying and I made more than my lion’s share of mistakes and probably invented a few along the way. Looking back, it almost seems imaginary with more twists and turns than a John Grisham novel but absent the gratifying suspense and intrigue.  

It just never occurred to me that sloughing off prior goals, beliefs and relationships would serve to be counterintuitive and only fuel the intensity of the fire that I was ultimately trying to extinguish. Honestly, had someone told me beforehand the turn of events about to take place, quite frankly, I would have dismissed it as pure hogwash. 

Clearly my desires and life trajectory were incongruous. By the time year-end rolled around, I found myself in an inexplicable state of calm.

Apparently, my heart felt at ease even though I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Perhaps this was the driving force all along….though I was seriously so OVER the hard lessons, it was obvious that I could remain part of the problem or become part of the solution. Ergo, a no-brainer J

I confess that these trials which I personally consider extraordinary in their own right hold great meaning to me. They’re veritable war wounds that in some perverse way symbolize badges of honor sustained while battling through my issues and working my way over to the other side. 

To be perfectly candid, this side doesn’t look all that different yet but there are some key differences. First off, my “bottom” has officially arrived and I’m not referring to one of those Brazilian Butt DVD’s. The lessons I’ve learned are carefully filed away in my mental D-ring binder to allow for easy access when the next round of tests come to pass. Uh huh…fool me twice….

I suffer no delusions that my topsy-turvy world has stabilized. There is a great deal of work ahead of me but I am far more secure in my choices, my direction and the ability to remove any unwanted influences without much need for second guessing. After all, I have the experience that I’ve garnered over the past couple of years to draw upon.   

More compelling is that I am much more comfortable asking for help when I need to and understanding when to go it alone which has always been my generally preferred method.  

Pride is an ego driven concept that has its place, however, in my humble opinion dignity is what measures your true potential without any need for outside recognition. No matter how desperate the situation is, you always have your dignity. 

So similar to when you miscalculate a wave and get “spin cycled” while surfing, once you hit the sand bottom you already know that you’re heading to the surface and will be able to breathe again soon.

Fa la la la la.......

Aaah the holiday season is upon us! Gosh, is it September already? Just kidding… 

The hoopla just seems to start a tad earlier each year and no matter the griping and grumbling we’ve all become accustomed to the early fall countdown. At this rate, Christmas in July may actually be realized as soon as 2020. Hindsight not included!  

This seasonal juggernaut is so momentous that it allows for overshadowing the “less” meaningful holidays. You can find your Halloween treats to left and your candy canes to the right. Certainly adds a touch of pizazz to the confectionery isle.

The clock really starts ticking as we slide into the official “kick off” traditionally marked by Thanksgiving. Oh you betcha and thankful we are. No worries about falling behind on your shopping courtesy of the barrage of “Black Friday” advertisements. Even if on the brink there’s always “Cyber Monday”.  That’s new age for just in case you slackers missed out on Black Friday!

Growing up it was far less sophisticated, not to mention there were no Santa variations e.g. Chippendale Santa sporting suspenders in lieu of a jacket just to show off his six pack. I suspect the Atkins diet is to blame.

Nope, nowadays the holiday season is a well oiled machine with pre-sales, during sales, don’t buy into those sales sales that tend to induce a mob mentality leaving us so frazzled that our only reprieve is through holiday partying. Nothing like a few eggnogs to take the edge off. 

Adding to the merriment is the beloved holiday traffic. “It’s the most Mario Cart time of the year!” Go ahead and sing along…it works right in. Frankly, I’m going a little Ebenezer on this one and assert that using your ATM in UNDER a minute should be the litmus test for a driver’s license. If not, the machine should suck that card into an unknown vortex while remitting a resounding buzzer and flashing “EPIC FAIL” across the screen. Mmmm hmmm, just a dream; meanwhile there’s a woman in a Prius attempting a five point turn into a head in parking space.  Joy to the world J

Yet even with all the chaos, this is still one of my favorite times of the year.  I adore the decorations, the music and the overall whimsical feel to it all. Rest assured it still exists if you look close enough to see past the material cloak.

As a child, something as simple as watching animated shows like “A Charlie Brown Christmas” or “Frosty the Snowman” rendered great enjoyment.  Even to this very day, I still love them because they’re reminiscent of a magical time that offered a temporary pass into the realm of make believe.

The past couple of years have dramatically affected my approach to the holidays and not necessarily by choice. Gone are the days of rushing around to acquire as many “thoughtful” gifts as I could muster. I concede that I really miss giving to that extent because it was often more gratifying than receiving though I can’t say I miss the mall.

Without the conventional practices it’s been challenging to find a joyful purpose during this season.  Now that I have a niece and nephew, I’m a little torn because when you hear “Christmas is for children”, it really resonates with me. There’s a part of you that wants to give them anything and everything just to see their beautiful little faces light up with happiness. However, I think my niece would enjoy ripping apart bows or jumping around in the discarded wrapping paper just as much if not more than the new toy that we just bought her.

Nevertheless, I suppose the entire point of this year end finale is to acknowledge what we truly value in our lives, regardless of what that may be.  It could be any number of things, a wonderful career, lovely home, beautiful friends or a family to share this time with. Now now…albeit family can be some of the most annoying people in our lives, we still wind up sharing our biggest moments with them.

So while I mine my way through this year’s festivities, I can still appreciate the holiday tchotchkes and trimmings while listening to Christmas music and enjoying an occasional hot chocolate. I’ll consider this time a closure process for another year of miracles and disappointments that paves the way to the next phase of life; being that I'm fortunate enough to have that option.

The realization that I couldn’t embrace this season because it signifies celebration and felt there was so little to celebrate for only reinforced how far I’d drifted from what is genuinely meaningful. Unable to partake in the so-called reindeer games left me feeling displaced, not ungrateful yet unworthy of holiday cheer. It’s no surprise that this time of the year can prove to be the most delightful to some and the most depressing to others.  

Not pioneering insight by any means because to some extent we all know that tangible gift giving isn’t what it’s all about; or do we?

I’ve decided to take on this season with a “What would you do if you only had three weeks left in the year” attitude. Yes, I realize I’m stating the obvious.

Nevertheless, I will create my wish list (yeah, I’m making one) by giving much thought to the things I believe would truly bring happiness. Offhand it won’t be anything you could possibly find in a store or gift wrap. Those things can be quite nice but I prefer not to squander my wishes this time around.

Of course if some Christmas elves want to pop by with a few gift cards, I’m certainly not opposed. J My wish for you is to make the coming weeks some of the most memorable in your own unique way. Happy Holidays!

In case of emergency

Don’t panic! A phrase seldom taken literally but more commonly used as a colloquial expression.  Regardless, the general consensus asserts that panicking rarely helps matters even though I suspect that most of us have at one time or another. 

Sometimes it’s simply unavoidable and our circumstances elicit emotions that produce a knee-jerk reaction. There’s a primal aspect to all of this since the ability to arouse a sense of urgency is essential to our survival functions.  “Danger Will Robinson!”

Unless you live in total obscurity, you’re probably cognizant of the ever present turmoil that wreaks havoc throughout the world. Whether it’s political fallout, natural disasters or any number of tragic events, these hardships seem overwhelming at best and surely give way to panic.

When “Life” reaches an impasse, what is an appropriate or even better, a healthy response? The walls have crumbled, the sinkhole is deepening and the need to face your fears is moot because your fears have come to face you. Dun dun dun……

Is it feasible to sit in the “eye” of the storm and wait out the devastating effects? Frankly, having the presence of mind to remain grounded in an unstable environment is no easy task.

However, more often than not I believe we panic over things far less threatening, though it may not feel that way at the time. Whenever we’re entangled in adverse circumstances it slowly chips away at our determination. At the very least our motivation is hampered and we’re left renovating a defeatist attitude.

Let’s ponder using a facetious anecdote with me as the sacrificial lamb.    

Awhile back, I became reacquainted with a former colleague whom I hadn’t seen in over a decade. While catching up over coffee we volleyed back and forth and at one point he shared that he’d been married for eight years but unfortunately it didn’t work out. Typically, in the spirit of quid pro quo came my turn to share. My offering; “Nothing to report here just happily adrift with no casualties”. Relax, those weren’t my exact words but still, the silence was deafening.

Bless his heart; he traipsed through that mine field like a sumo wrestler in stilettos. “Really, he asked?” while trying to mask his utter state of disbelief. “Don’t you think men will find it a turn off that you haven’t been married by now?” “You’re not afraid that you’ll never find love?” Well, I wasn’t but thanks for that!  Judging by his facial expression he seemed concerned enough for both of us.

Frankly, I wasn’t aware that marriage and love were synonymous even though I knew that wasn’t his point. If the customary window for marriage has been missed and calls for consternation then I inferred those who have been divorced at least once can kick back and relax. Duly noted! Clearly this case scenario hardly seems worthy of true panic, although people panic for less. In this case, I think it has more to do with the idea that one could live out their days alone. Trust me, it isn’t supernatural.

You see, I think panic serves as a smokescreen for the true culprits that weigh heavily on us i.e. self-doubt, loneliness, fear of failure etc. These are the very attitudes that stir our uneasiness and catapult us into misery.

When the stigma of failing to achieve the very things that we have been conditioned to believe are revered, admirable and conventional; panic seems apropos. The conundrum occurs when attempting to measure one’s life against these prevailing standards without regard to our own unique needs and developments.

The notion that we are relegated to conform solely for the purposes of outside acceptance or become ostracized is simply a fallacy.  Life isn’t “one size fits all”! Even the items that purport to be never are.

Ergo, if this panic button truly exists, then I can honestly say that I have hit it!  Not once but several times, just to make sure. And what has come of it, you ask?   I surmise that the “button” was designed to interrupt an unfavorable state and summon assistance, a truce of sorts.

So I encourage you to take a stance and push that button! Set yourself free and stop the madness. Supposing I’m right, my only grievance thus far is wondering when that assistance going to get here already! Remember, impatience is a virtue J

Judge ye not

Never judge a book by its cover. An adage that purports to keep us “open-minded”. 

Try as we may, we just can’t seem to help ourselves. Life without judgments can leave us twisting in the wind but when taken to the extreme inhibits our experiences and ability to grow.

Humans are complex and able to process information rapidly a.k.a instincts. This is why “first” impressions are deemed so critical. Seeing leads to believing and we will happily fill in any blanks to draw an immediate conclusion. Next!!

                                                                                                                  

Our environments are highly dependent on evaluating and categorizing. We are designed to make sense of it all while sifting through what stays and what goes. This technique influences many areas of our lives e.g. friendships, romance and career paths to name a few. 

But wouldn’t it be interesting to see what would happen if our mechanisms were to halt just long enough to delay an initial reaction? Perhaps this is why we’re admonished about making assumptions. How much can you really learn about someone or something when performing a perfunctory assessment?

If you’ve ever wandered through a bookstore, it isn’t uncommon to peruse titles, read a back cover or even check out a page or two to see what piques interest? Prologues, movie trailers, teasers are all snippets designed to “wet our appetites” and entice further exploration. All good when making innocuous and lighthearted choices, however, what happens when the stakes are higher?

Ah, not so fast or perhaps fast enough. Our latent desire to “box it” goes full throttle and weeding out can occur without even a word having been spoken.  Interesting that we may invest hours looking for music or books but will appraise an individual almost instantaneously.

To elaborate further, I’ll share a recent experience I had during an interview at one of those discount retail stores. I decided to walk in after noticing a posted “Now Hiring” sign. Hey, a girl has to eat! Anyway, I was filling out my application while uncomfortably seated in plain view in a lousy fold away chair at the entrance of the store. As I was finishing up, I saw a petite, middle aged woman walk through so I smiled at her. After all, the position I was applying for was customer service oriented. She didn’t smile back but sheepishly looked away. Okay, whatever.

Once I’d completed my application, I asked the security guard if there was anyone in particular I should provide this to. He kindly sought out the appropriate employee and when he pointed her out, lo and behold the petite woman I’d seen earlier was already speaking with her. As I approached, I maintained a respectable distance so as not to disturb the conversation. Turned out the woman had been there several times before and was aggressively pursuing the position for which she’d applied. The employee was courteous and told her that the manager wouldn’t be in until the following day. Clearly disappointed, the petite woman reluctantly left.

Since I was in earshot, I had no expectations other than to hand in my application and thank the nice lady. However, that’s not what happened. She began to review my application right then and there and enthusiastically asked if I would stay put while she found a manager who could speak with me? Wait, what? A moment ago there was no such person available but I realized some “cherry picking” was taking place. I admit that I felt a little guilty though not blind to these tactics. This type of unfairness will persist despite my disdain.

Fast forward to meeting the manager, a thirty something stout gentleman who began studying my application (such a foreign instrument since I hadn’t filled one out in over two decades). He commenced with the typically expected questions and it was only when he flipped my application over did his demeanor change. At that moment he was fixated on my previous salary like a Rottweiler to steak bone. He looked up at me with an air of disgust and said “Wow, I don’t think you would be suitable for this job because you’ll never make anywhere near what you had before; but thank you”.  Mind you, even though what I noted was a mere fraction that was all it took to rule me out.

It was both surreal and annoying but not the first time that I’ve experienced something similar during my ongoing searches. So should I take from this; If you’ve done well before don’t come knocking at our door? Promise, the rhyming was unintentional.  Basically in the span of an hour I encountered two very different reactions. One book: two endings.

I’ve read that first impressions can be decided in roughly thirty seconds. Well it’s no wonder that there are a billion plus people on the planet! At that rate, high turnover is inevitable so this calls for a significant amount of meeting, greeting and discarding. Do you really believe that someone can size YOU up in thirty seconds, thirty minutes or even thirty days? Probably not, but they will.

To impress upon the analogy, books have covers. The covers are the window dressing designed to protect the content. The content can be likened to the heart of the book which is filled with events, details and passion intended to impart a better understanding of its purpose. The conclusion comes at the end, after reading the book.  If you never get past the cover, you will never really know the story. Just sayin’….

Judgments are here to say but maybe the next time you’re about to bypass a “book”, challenge your organizational constitution and  see what comes of it. You never know, lightning could strike?

When aging is good

It’s no secret that everyone wants to look and feel younger. Excepting those who are in fact young. Just wait….

We live in a world where “Eternal Youth” is the crown jewel. Nothing new, this mindset has existed since ancient times. Lest we forget Ponce de León thought he discovered the Fountain of Youth in 1513, though it ultimately turned out to be Florida. The internet probably would have been quite handy back then!

When IS aging well received? Let’s consider wine, cheese, beef and even leather, but what about people? Arguably you can find advantages and disadvantages to everything, though in this case the perks may not be so obvious. After all, when was the last time you heard anyone beaming about getting older? Someone two weeks away from the legal drinking age doesn’t count.

No, it’s a youth driven society so if you’re not exactly fresh, young or blossoming, you’d better hope that you’ve gained some footing. Frankly, it’s paramount because any knowledge acquired will be countered by gravity. Hence it has been referred to as “Fighting the good fight”. At least you’ll have a beautiful mind.

Oh and not to worry, you will battle. Your inner warrior will instinctively kick in to thwart those evil forces. At the onset you begin to challenge yourself in totally new ways both physically and mentally. Some take on a new sport, run a marathon, climb a mountain or whatever seems confronting. It’s actually quite liberating to be such a driving force and even better when you see the fruits of your labor.

Obviously, this development will differ between individuals because it’s highly personal. Regardless, a change of heart in how we see ourselves will undoubtedly occur at some point.

Usually once the noticeable physical adjustments are warranted  i.e. needing more sleep, longer recovery periods, nursing mystery aches and reliance on a well established anti-aging regimen (Yes fellas, fanatically working on that six pack is comparable) you can expect to receive your “free bonus gift”; some degree of self assurance. It’s just nature’s trade-off like it or not.

Cross my heart, somewhere between deciding which parties to attend over the weekend and turning down dinner invitations simply because it’s a weekday, you learn to become more self accepting.  Hopefully anyway, because there are still those “young at heart” folks sporting Ed Hardy and “Milf” tee’s that can assuredly give any twenty-something a run for their money.  Good for them!

But I think for most us, as you get older you start to feel a stronger sense of being. Maybe less self conscious (neurotic in my case), more resolute in choosing our battles and not so easily knocked off center. We begin to appreciate where we’ve been and who we’ve become.

My attitudes toward aging have certainly adjusted as I’ve evolved.  PLEASE spare me the Darwinian debate, okay? At the moment, I’m smack dab in the middle give or take per my calculations (*estimates may vary by individual). Metaphorically, if mid-life was on the map I’d say it was the equator since it doesn’t belong to either hemisphere.

A peculiar place indeed because you’re too old to be young but too young to be old. Some type of limbo that serves as an intermission to brace you for things to come.

Still, why are people so fearful or resistant to aging? Besides the obvious aesthetic factor which is apparent given that beauty is customarily associated with youth, something else must be a party to it all.

Perhaps it has to do with the goals that we have or have not achieved by “X” point in our lives. Purely speculation, but how many times have you heard someone say that their lives don’t look anything like the life they imagined or dreamed of?

Furthermore, for whatever reason my age seems to have more prominence in my daily thoughts. Possibly because I believe that I should be less bewildered at this stage not to mention I’m beginning to bear a slight resemblance to “Comedy & Tragedy” masks.

Ultimately, I suspect my innate alarm clock may be reminding me that I can no longer afford to be extravagant with my choices.

No matter, we’ll still go kicking and screaming into the depths of our advancing years unable to fully appreciate the benefits until we get there.  Just remember, there is no guarantee to how far our ladder of existence extends. As someone recently told me “We don’t know our expiration date.” Fret wisely…..