Judge ye not

Never judge a book by its cover. An adage that purports to keep us “open-minded”. 

Try as we may, we just can’t seem to help ourselves. Life without judgments can leave us twisting in the wind but when taken to the extreme inhibits our experiences and ability to grow.

Humans are complex and able to process information rapidly a.k.a instincts. This is why “first” impressions are deemed so critical. Seeing leads to believing and we will happily fill in any blanks to draw an immediate conclusion. Next!!

                                                                                                                  

Our environments are highly dependent on evaluating and categorizing. We are designed to make sense of it all while sifting through what stays and what goes. This technique influences many areas of our lives e.g. friendships, romance and career paths to name a few. 

But wouldn’t it be interesting to see what would happen if our mechanisms were to halt just long enough to delay an initial reaction? Perhaps this is why we’re admonished about making assumptions. How much can you really learn about someone or something when performing a perfunctory assessment?

If you’ve ever wandered through a bookstore, it isn’t uncommon to peruse titles, read a back cover or even check out a page or two to see what piques interest? Prologues, movie trailers, teasers are all snippets designed to “wet our appetites” and entice further exploration. All good when making innocuous and lighthearted choices, however, what happens when the stakes are higher?

Ah, not so fast or perhaps fast enough. Our latent desire to “box it” goes full throttle and weeding out can occur without even a word having been spoken.  Interesting that we may invest hours looking for music or books but will appraise an individual almost instantaneously.

To elaborate further, I’ll share a recent experience I had during an interview at one of those discount retail stores. I decided to walk in after noticing a posted “Now Hiring” sign. Hey, a girl has to eat! Anyway, I was filling out my application while uncomfortably seated in plain view in a lousy fold away chair at the entrance of the store. As I was finishing up, I saw a petite, middle aged woman walk through so I smiled at her. After all, the position I was applying for was customer service oriented. She didn’t smile back but sheepishly looked away. Okay, whatever.

Once I’d completed my application, I asked the security guard if there was anyone in particular I should provide this to. He kindly sought out the appropriate employee and when he pointed her out, lo and behold the petite woman I’d seen earlier was already speaking with her. As I approached, I maintained a respectable distance so as not to disturb the conversation. Turned out the woman had been there several times before and was aggressively pursuing the position for which she’d applied. The employee was courteous and told her that the manager wouldn’t be in until the following day. Clearly disappointed, the petite woman reluctantly left.

Since I was in earshot, I had no expectations other than to hand in my application and thank the nice lady. However, that’s not what happened. She began to review my application right then and there and enthusiastically asked if I would stay put while she found a manager who could speak with me? Wait, what? A moment ago there was no such person available but I realized some “cherry picking” was taking place. I admit that I felt a little guilty though not blind to these tactics. This type of unfairness will persist despite my disdain.

Fast forward to meeting the manager, a thirty something stout gentleman who began studying my application (such a foreign instrument since I hadn’t filled one out in over two decades). He commenced with the typically expected questions and it was only when he flipped my application over did his demeanor change. At that moment he was fixated on my previous salary like a Rottweiler to steak bone. He looked up at me with an air of disgust and said “Wow, I don’t think you would be suitable for this job because you’ll never make anywhere near what you had before; but thank you”.  Mind you, even though what I noted was a mere fraction that was all it took to rule me out.

It was both surreal and annoying but not the first time that I’ve experienced something similar during my ongoing searches. So should I take from this; If you’ve done well before don’t come knocking at our door? Promise, the rhyming was unintentional.  Basically in the span of an hour I encountered two very different reactions. One book: two endings.

I’ve read that first impressions can be decided in roughly thirty seconds. Well it’s no wonder that there are a billion plus people on the planet! At that rate, high turnover is inevitable so this calls for a significant amount of meeting, greeting and discarding. Do you really believe that someone can size YOU up in thirty seconds, thirty minutes or even thirty days? Probably not, but they will.

To impress upon the analogy, books have covers. The covers are the window dressing designed to protect the content. The content can be likened to the heart of the book which is filled with events, details and passion intended to impart a better understanding of its purpose. The conclusion comes at the end, after reading the book.  If you never get past the cover, you will never really know the story. Just sayin’….

Judgments are here to say but maybe the next time you’re about to bypass a “book”, challenge your organizational constitution and  see what comes of it. You never know, lightning could strike?

When aging is good

It’s no secret that everyone wants to look and feel younger. Excepting those who are in fact young. Just wait….

We live in a world where “Eternal Youth” is the crown jewel. Nothing new, this mindset has existed since ancient times. Lest we forget Ponce de León thought he discovered the Fountain of Youth in 1513, though it ultimately turned out to be Florida. The internet probably would have been quite handy back then!

When IS aging well received? Let’s consider wine, cheese, beef and even leather, but what about people? Arguably you can find advantages and disadvantages to everything, though in this case the perks may not be so obvious. After all, when was the last time you heard anyone beaming about getting older? Someone two weeks away from the legal drinking age doesn’t count.

No, it’s a youth driven society so if you’re not exactly fresh, young or blossoming, you’d better hope that you’ve gained some footing. Frankly, it’s paramount because any knowledge acquired will be countered by gravity. Hence it has been referred to as “Fighting the good fight”. At least you’ll have a beautiful mind.

Oh and not to worry, you will battle. Your inner warrior will instinctively kick in to thwart those evil forces. At the onset you begin to challenge yourself in totally new ways both physically and mentally. Some take on a new sport, run a marathon, climb a mountain or whatever seems confronting. It’s actually quite liberating to be such a driving force and even better when you see the fruits of your labor.

Obviously, this development will differ between individuals because it’s highly personal. Regardless, a change of heart in how we see ourselves will undoubtedly occur at some point.

Usually once the noticeable physical adjustments are warranted  i.e. needing more sleep, longer recovery periods, nursing mystery aches and reliance on a well established anti-aging regimen (Yes fellas, fanatically working on that six pack is comparable) you can expect to receive your “free bonus gift”; some degree of self assurance. It’s just nature’s trade-off like it or not.

Cross my heart, somewhere between deciding which parties to attend over the weekend and turning down dinner invitations simply because it’s a weekday, you learn to become more self accepting.  Hopefully anyway, because there are still those “young at heart” folks sporting Ed Hardy and “Milf” tee’s that can assuredly give any twenty-something a run for their money.  Good for them!

But I think for most us, as you get older you start to feel a stronger sense of being. Maybe less self conscious (neurotic in my case), more resolute in choosing our battles and not so easily knocked off center. We begin to appreciate where we’ve been and who we’ve become.

My attitudes toward aging have certainly adjusted as I’ve evolved.  PLEASE spare me the Darwinian debate, okay? At the moment, I’m smack dab in the middle give or take per my calculations (*estimates may vary by individual). Metaphorically, if mid-life was on the map I’d say it was the equator since it doesn’t belong to either hemisphere.

A peculiar place indeed because you’re too old to be young but too young to be old. Some type of limbo that serves as an intermission to brace you for things to come.

Still, why are people so fearful or resistant to aging? Besides the obvious aesthetic factor which is apparent given that beauty is customarily associated with youth, something else must be a party to it all.

Perhaps it has to do with the goals that we have or have not achieved by “X” point in our lives. Purely speculation, but how many times have you heard someone say that their lives don’t look anything like the life they imagined or dreamed of?

Furthermore, for whatever reason my age seems to have more prominence in my daily thoughts. Possibly because I believe that I should be less bewildered at this stage not to mention I’m beginning to bear a slight resemblance to “Comedy & Tragedy” masks.

Ultimately, I suspect my innate alarm clock may be reminding me that I can no longer afford to be extravagant with my choices.

No matter, we’ll still go kicking and screaming into the depths of our advancing years unable to fully appreciate the benefits until we get there.  Just remember, there is no guarantee to how far our ladder of existence extends. As someone recently told me “We don’t know our expiration date.” Fret wisely…..

Fitting In

Ever since I could remember, it was important to “fit in”. After all isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?

At a very early age we instinctively set out to establish our place in the social hierarchy. It’s human nature and an essential part of socialization that persists throughout our lifetimes.

Most of us are taught about the so-called “tried and true” methods, that when followed to the letter acts as a virtual road map to leading a productive, meaningful life. Follow the rules, study hard and get a college degree. If you’re able to “stay the course” then you can tackle the next set of societal routines i.e. marriage, children and the perpetual “building a life” for yourself.  But what happens to those who took the wrong turn at Albuquerque?

What price do you pay for opting-out of the traditional passage? Where do they house those operating on the fringe of society?  Speaking from personal experience, they don’t.

For starters, I’m a mixed race and though not uncommon was something that was emphasized by others when I was growing up. Being half Japanese and half Caucasian occasionally brought on the daft slim eyed jokes. The flagrant ignorance didn’t help matters. Newsflash: Chinese is not the only Asian culture! Not that there’s anything wrong with being Chinese, if you ARE.

This was my introduction to “Dude, where’s my spot?” It’s not nearly as daunting as I make it sound (I do have a flair for the dramatic) but there’s something to be said about wanting to be like everybody else. Or so I thought.

Still, I remained hell bent on conquering the futile concept of finding my crowd though I never quite established a foothold. For as long as I can remember, I always sensed some sort odd man out disposition.  

In high school, I had friends in various cliques as opposed to being part of one in particular. If variety is the spice of life, mine was assorted. I didn’t feel atypical per se and wasn’t even consciously aware since I was hardly an outcast. More like a welcomed outsider; a social circuit floater of sorts.

It was post high school when the more significant “veering off” occurred and my “make it up as I go along” practices began to flourish. I elected to start working instead of attending a university and although I have taken quite a few courses to gain the necessary tools specific to my occupational endeavors, my scholastic participation was intermittent at best.

Just as with all of us, there are many different hurdles and phases that take place while we trudge through our own personal development. We take on different jobs, places, mindsets and people. None so different to me than when I moved to Los Angeles.

I will preface by stating that I have nothing against LA in general but relocating from the Midwest left me grossly unprepared to deal with the emphasis on external beauty. There’s a saying “you attract what you need” and depending on my mood, the jury is still out on that one.

It didn’t take long before I encountered my backhanded makeover intervention. Everyone seemed to be in on it, a virtual community effort consisting of co-workers, friends, hairstylists and the guy down in 3B.  Did I forget anyone? Needless to say it impacted the way I saw myself and more importantly the way I thought I should be.

I yearned to become as stylish, beautiful and a size two like most of the women around.  Back then, size two was still considered small J I knew if I aimed for better style, the appropriate level of chic and had a successful executive career then I’d be “in”. So I forged ahead and did my best to hobnob with my version of the “ideal”. There I was, armed with false confidence and a moderately upgraded veneer of myself only to find that I wasn’t any happier. Where did I go wrong?

I’m certainly not suggesting that people avoid trying new things or ways to improve themselves because there’s always room for that. I’ve certainly reaped positive benefits through trial and error. I just started to realize that knowing where the line between authentic and synthetic begins and ends was going to be vital to my self esteem. Quite frankly, it has been known to be a little blurry.

I could offer up a litany of stories detailing different case scenarios but that would be superfluous. Everyone experiments in finding out “who” they are or “where” they fit in to some extent. It’s the process that gives way to experience and understanding that leads to wisdom; God willing.

If all goes well, your individual compass will shift towards what you want and appreciate vs. a generally accepted standard. I’ll let you in on a secret, no such standard exists. Yeah, don’t expect violins to be playing while champagne flows from the heavens but arguably it should lighten the load.

A friend once told me that “I would never fit in.” He meant it to be a compliment and I couldn’t agree more.

This isn’t a fait accompli by any means. It’s an ongoing process since we’re always changing and growing. So where do I fit in? Wherever I feel protected and there’s room for me because I believe that’s essence of “being comfortable in your own skin”.  Reporting from the fringe…

I don't speak DHCP, SSL or 4G

We live in a technological world. If you’re not posting, tweeting, chatting, pinging or the likes thereof then you’ve missed the virtual boat.  As for me, I argue the dinghy counts!

These days it’s commonplace to be able to reach a global audience without ever leaving the comfort of your home. Almost everyone has the capability to do so to some degree but at the very least social networking seems essential to modern day existence. In my quest to carve out a little niche for myself, I wondered if I was the only one who finds it ironic that in today’s world of  “sharing and communicating” people seem more disconnected than ever?

How many “friends” do you have, who’s in your network, what are you doing during every minute of every day? After all, it’s vital to our well being to know that “so-n-so” just overpaid for a non-fat mocha latte with two shots of espresso. Rest assured we can sleep easy tonight.

Sound like the bitter ranting of the socially inept? Perhaps, but how much vapid and extraneous content is enough? I certainly don’t strive to add yet another layer, though I may not be able to help myself.

Social networking, media marketing, branding, blogging are all the rage these days. Okay, so they have been for awhile but work with me here. Typically, just to thumb my nose in the face of the mainstream movement, I created an Anti-Social network. It took less than two minutes, has only one member and no privacy issues. Take that Mark Zuckerberg!

Okay, redirecting my diverging thoughts.    

With so many blogs, chat forums and virtual communities etc., where will my content fit into all of this, if at all? More importantly, will it matter, inspire or at the very least promote a modicum of interest? I’m not selling products or services; wait does Craigslist count? Uh no….

On any given day you can expect to find a bevy of “how to”, “what not to do”, “top 5 online careers”, blah blah blah to choose from 24/7/365. You can find guidance on everything ranging from finance, self improvement to “Five foods that age you”. Really? Yes, really. Hold on, just need to add “How to flirt effectively on the third Wednesday of each month” to my favorites because that is definitely need to know. Alrighty then.

Thus being overwhelmed with the prospect of playing in the traffic, I began to think about one on one interaction; almost a lost art form. Nowadays people live and die by their devices. Even in a so-called social setting, there’s no absence of people consistently using their PDAs, smart phones and what have you. From the beaches to the mall, no one wants to miss anything crucial by making eye contact or speaking directly to someone.  Let’s face it, if you want to connect with someone new, just simply “friend” them or send a text (technically this would require actual interaction but taking creative liberty to illustrate a sarcastic point). I remember seeing a posted picture of a group of friends on vacation in a hotel room and every single one of them was using their device. Like they say on Monday Night Live, C’mon Man! But I digress.

I confess that I’m not so different in that I use my device to “hide” when waiting in a long line or to circumvent awkward situations but still, I believe there are times where these methods are inappropriate. Of course, I write this reluctantly since I’m not a phone person, introverted by nature and about two weeks away from full blown Agoraphobia J

Kidding aside (sort of), I don’t consider myself to be terribly nostalgic but I actually miss the social simplicity pre-Digital Age. Communicating seemed a little more unfiltered and sans the options we have now forced us out of our comfort zones. Looking back, my ability to communicate wasn’t any better then and probably even worse. Chalk it up to my reluctance to live in the “now”.  

My long winded bottom line (since I’m incapable of anything less) is that trying to put a fresh perspective on your personal school of thought and life philosophy is challenging enough much less being able to parlay it into something more captivating and successful.   

No question I’m a late bloomer and realize that my way of thinking could be dated.  I suppose that depends on your audience, which is pretty much comprised of one family member. “Hey, I told you to add comments on every posting?!”

Okay, back to me. Ultimately, this adventure may have more to do with my desire to brave uncharted territory in order to nurture my own interpersonal development. At the very least I hope to avoid speaking without saying anything but that remains questionable.

This doesn’t change the fact that I am currently technologically inadequate. Seriously, have you seen my “Bio” for the site? Presentation-N/A. Oh dear, I feel myself on the precipice ready to careen into a proverbial “What’s wrong with this picture?!!!” Pencils up!!!!

Heart of Mind

This will actually be my second blog post or the third if you count the blank one I erroneously posted and can’t seem to figure out how to delete. Regardless, I’ve barely even scratched the surface of this new undertaking and I’m already struggling with what to write about.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve have a robust list of topics and created several drafts but after considerable review and more revisions than I care to think about decided to back burner those and just try writing from the heart. That’s code for whatever the hell I want since I can’t seem to get a handle on structuring content at the moment.

Think of it as the “Seinfeld” approach to blogging. A blog about nothing J Trust me, I'm not unaware of the talent and creative genius that went into making that show but humor me. At least for this particular post, I’m going to utilize a method that I learned in dance class. You must feel the music and create movement from emotion. Suffice it to say I fell short a lot. Obviously, I’m not dancing at the moment but I think you get the gist of it.   

I can’t tell you how many times I thought I knew what I was feeling. After all, I’d processed it a million times and went over every detail in my head, so that has to count for something. Right? Sure, two…maybe four Advil.

I recall a specific scene from the original movie “Sex in the City”, which I found to be somewhat dark overall, but I digress. Regardless of whether or not you saw it, you'll see the connection. There’s a scene where Miranda is telling Carrie about what she needs to do to ultimately decide if she wants to give her marriage another shot. She states that she’s made a list of all the pros & cons and that she’ll to have a lot to “think” about. Carrie immediately replies “You mean feel”.  Basically, she points out that Miranda is a successful lawyer and could “think” and argue her way through anything, but this time she would have to figure out how she really “feels”. It's simple but not easy. Yes, I pluck many thought provoking concepts from movies, romantic comedies in particular. Doesn’t everyone?

Good to know that writing from the heart doesn’t necessarily have to contain any beneficial subject matter. Just allow for free flowing mumbo jumbo. My favorite J

Perhaps this process may be the catalyst in lessening my need to micro-manage. It’s not uncommon for me to start a project only to begin dissecting it apart before it has a chance to begin taking form. It’s a Virgo trait but unfortunately if you invest all your energy into doing so you’ll likely end up with a whole lot of nothing. A flawless nothing but nothing nevertheless......

I suppose that’s why I decided to bite the bullet and start blogging. I’m not entirely sure this qualifies as a blog but whatever. I really don’t have anything to lose and in hindsight, looking back at all the time I wasted worrying about what others would think or how I would be judged seems quite silly today. I don’t plan to be in the same situation five years down the line because isn’t that the definition of insanity?

If you spend all your time trying to “become” you miss out on what’s happening now. I have always had trouble living in the present. I spent years believing (somewhat subconsciously) that when I was more successful, had a nice house, better body etc. etc. that everything would fall perfectly into place. Uh yeah, it fell alright, to the wayside but that’s an entirely different blog post!

I’m in the autumn of my life which just so happens to be my favorite season. I can’t say that I “feel” as though it’s turning out to be my favorite time in general but I’m still hopeful.

Not to worry, I do plan to improve these postings and actually look forward to the learning process. I promise to do my best to improve the overall quality and speaking from a Virgo perspective could easily list in great detail all the flaws with this post, but will refrain. One of my goals is working on seeing the potential in things as opposed to the problems because I think that’s more difficult, at least in my case. Nevertheless it's necessary to help balance things out.  

Blog, Blog, Blog......

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze.

In February of 2009, life as I had known it was about to change. I was aware that this major shift was imminent but what I didn’t realize was that this turning point would forever impact every single facet of my being.

Prior to that I’d been happily employed (or as happily as one can be when taking a situation for granted) at a firm where I enjoyed the work, liked and in some cases adored my colleagues and was handsomely compensated. Due to the recession, these glory days were about to draw to a close and I optimistically felt this was the highly anticipated reprieve I’d been waiting for to recalibrate my career path. Problem was, I’d subconsciously desired a complete “overhaul” and at the very outskirts of my mind sensed I would be leveled in the process. You know the saying, “Careful what you wish for because you just might get it”. In hindsight, it’s very clear that what you want and what you believe aren’t always in sync.

Nonetheless, I naively took to the free time as some sort of unplanned vacation. After all, I deserved it, right? That’s a rhetorical question because anyone who knows me knows that I often indulge myself even when it doesn’t make great sense. Self gratification indeed; I’ve been known to act impulsively.

I took time to travel, learned how to surf (still a work in progress) and pondered what I would be doing with the rest of my life. Mind you, it’s not as though I was just starting out.  I’d been working since I was 16 years old and spent the past two decades cultivating an executive career. No, this was more of a mid-life crisis of consciousness and during this time, I toyed with many ideas that I thought would spur my interests and help me gracefully transition from the very comfortable lifestyle I was living right into the next. Crickets…….

Let’s see, I entertained becoming a voice over actor, to the point that I had a professionally prepared demo and purchased a brand new microphone so that I could get right on it. The box is still unopened. I revisited the idea of working in commercials, thought about writing a book or going back to school…I think you get the picture. It’s not that I was disinterested in any of these things but more so overwhelmed with the what, when & how to start.  Not so much procrastination as paralyzation but the end result is the same.

Frankly, I get so mired in the details that I tend to lose sight and the motivation to forge ahead with so many of my interests. I love to say that great ideas are a dime a dozen because it’s putting them into action that’s difficult. Yeah, I have an entire arsenal of practical advice that has no real meaning unless employed. Ahem…note to self.

Ultimately this is what led to the idea of starting a blog. Seemed easy enough in theory, didn’t require too much front end work and a good way to just get that creative energy flowing. Not bad, it only took two and half years to put together a remedial blog that most 5 year olds could easily upstage. Point is, you have to begin somewhere.

I admit that I’m not overly excited about having my writing abilities (or lack thereof) publicly assessed but I’m not terribly concerned at the moment about a deluge of traffic. It’s like the monster that lives underneath your bed; not real just in your head.

So here it is; my first blog post ever. Perhaps the beginning of the end but undoubtedly an integral part of my ensuing journey to “destination unknown”. Mind you it will be a veritable hodgepodge of ideas, subjects and philosophies sprinkled with occasional punctuation and grammatical errors (optimistic) and plenty of run on sentences.

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” –Albert Einstein